Monster monotony

Monster monotony

Monotony:experienced round the clock, at times, strikes you so horribly that you find yourself  dysfunctional even noncompos mantis at the least. To some, it may sound intriguing but in the actuality, people go even up to the extent of suicidal tendencies.  But, exerting oneself tirelessly leads to a very strong likelihood of a dramatic twist. 

This dreariness in life triggers this question umpteen times circulating in my head that why always me. What is it that can gratify a soul like mine? This very unanswered question spirals out of control making its constituents striking me harder worsening the impact on me which I barely have the endurance for. 

Though acutely affected by it, I myself sometimes feel fortunate enough to deal with this unimaginably physical and mental suffering or perhaps I’ve been genetically programmed to at least keep putting efforts against such never-ending sort of odd in my life. However, surprisingly enough, when disentangling it on my own, an upsurge of frustration debilitates my potential to nothing at all in no time. 

Life and its cruelties, most often eventuating in abysmal failures to learn from, hasn’t been fun to me at all. However hard I try to get rid of it, it manipulates me even more. 

Gradually, I began to lose my self-control. It made me feel that collecting myself together was beginning to be troublesome resulting in facing a precarious state of health.

Subsequently, I was out of the list of people enjoying their healthy lives. I had started accepting the fact that I hadn't been resilient any longer and very often I abandoned myself to despair. 

Then came the phase when I was at the mercy of doctors suggesting me medication for depression and anxiety which turned me into very temperamental. This irritable nature of mine left me no more desirable even for my own family which is too grievous to verbalize. And, when you are overburdened with not only your immediate family’s responsibility on your feeble shoulders but your siblings too, especially, two of whom need close attention day and night. One is addicted to drugs and other intoxicants and the other is a kind of mentally restarted due to an unseemingly never-ending stressful period of time the whole family had to suffer from. And yes forgetting this maddening atmosphere would be unjustifiable contributed by the parents trying their best to make it constantly possible was always there to make it go from bad to worse.

Now a question often occurs to me that what I have done to myself throughout my life is nothing but to make attempts after attempts to nurture this fantasy that one day I would live in a way I’ve always wanted. But fanaticizing didn’t do any good to change or undo it. This I can say with an absolute certitude that people with monotonous ways of leading their lives are mostly deprived of mental peace and finding solace in their lives remain one of their might-have-beens.